Get Over It, Nicole!

Well, so far I've lost 10 pounds.  Woot!  I hope I don't get bored with the calorie and fat gram counting.  I don't want to look HUGE anymore.

Anyway, I've decided to write about something that I've been obsessing over for the past few months.  My friend (which I'll give the pseudoname Martha) blew me off this year, and since June I've been getting myself into a tizzy about it.  Martha announced her pregnancy to me in December, just before Christmas.  Between January and June, I emailed her a number of times, telling her about my life and asking how she was and how the pregnancy was.  If I got a reply, it was something quick, telling me that everything is great and that she'll try to give me a call.  A few times I tried calling her and just got her voicemail, and she never calls me back if I leave a message so I didn't leave any.  At the end of May I mailed her a package of baby stuff and stuff for her and her husband, and I emailed her work address (because she never gave me her personal address!) to let her know.  I got an automated reply saying that she was on maternity leave until October.  A week or two later I was part of a mass email from Martha's husband letting me know that their baby was born.  A few days after that my mother (who is best friends with Martha's mother) told me that Martha was having problems with the pregnancy and had to be induced early. 

A week after the baby was born I got a call from Martha.  She said that she had been too weak to call people until that day, and I was the first person she called.  She thanked me for the gifts, and when I tried to ask her why she didn't tell me about the complication with her pregnancy she got short with me and immediately changed the topic.  The only thing she wanted to talk about was the baby, and I wanted to talk to her about her health and the state of our friendship.  It was a really awkward conversation, because it was clear that she only called so that I could fawn over her baby with her, and I was so hurt over her lack of communication that I didn't care to fawn over anyone in her family at the moment.  After a few minutes she said she had a number of calls to make and as soon as she was feeling better she would call me and have a long talk with me.  After we hung up I knew I wasn't going to hear from her until my birthday, in August.

And I was right!  Didn't hear a thing from Martha the rest of June or all of July.  I asked my friends what I should do about her birthday (hers is 2 days before mine) and all of my friends said, "Fuck Martha.  She obviously doesn't care about you anymore."  but when I asked my husband, he suggested I take the high road and send her a card.  So I did.  I sent her a pretty generic birthday card, nothing personal about it at all.  I decided that was going to be my "going away" card to her - this was going to be the last time I send her anything unless I hear from her and get to talk things out with her.

So her birthday came and went, and while I usually call her I decided not to this year, and I had the great excuse of having to go to a wedding that day so it wasn't like I was sitting around not calling her.  Two days later it was my birthday, and I had a nice day full of cake, ice cream, and people singing to me, and at the end of the night I took a shower, and while I was in the shower Martha called me on my cell phone.  I didn't get the message until the next morning, and it was Martha telling me that she and her husband and her parents who were at her house all wished me a happy birthday.  Nothing about not getting in touch with me, nothing about hoping to talk to me soon, no birthday song (we used to always sing the birthday song to each other).  And no card in the mail.  Now, I know she has been spending most of the summer at her beach house with her mother, and her mother managed to send me a package w/a card and have it delivered on my birthday.  But I never got a card from Martha.  And for some reason, this has really pissed me off. 

Why should I be surprised that I got a icy-cold message on a late-night voicemail (yes, I consider 10pm on a work night late) and nothing else?  She has treated me this way all year, is she supposed to change all of a sudden?  Why am I still obsessing over this?  Why do I still care, and why am I still pissed about not getting a card a week after my birthday?  I think I may be pissed about the card because I was going to be all bad-ass and not send her a card, but then I broke down and sent her one anyway, and then she was the one who blew me off.  AGAIN. 

I'm becoming a glutton for punishment, and I'm mad at myself for letting myself become that way.  I need a spine!